... in the tiny bathroom at the top of the stairs / I press the phone to my ear ... you ... just out of prison / me ... unable to tell you ... fumbling through the clumsy years
If you had included more detail, I would perhaps know more about you, but then the poem might not speak to me (and other readers) about something in our own lives. That's a lesson I learn again and again reading your poems.
I have often included more detail in rough draft stages only to realize I haven't left room for the reader and the reading aloud of the poem becomes clunky. With micro-poetry, less is more. You've gotten to the heart of it with your comment, and I thank you. :)
On Facebook, I hear they like to say, "It's complicated." It is, but you've said it here in a different, more eloquent way.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much. I wrestled with it and I think it won ... for which I'm glad. Sometimes, it's not easy to set myself aside and let the poem speak.
DeleteIf you had included more detail, I would perhaps know more about you, but then the poem might not speak to me (and other readers) about something in our own lives. That's a lesson I learn again and again reading your poems.
ReplyDeleteI have often included more detail in rough draft stages only to realize I haven't left room for the reader and the reading aloud of the poem becomes clunky. With micro-poetry, less is more. You've gotten to the heart of it with your comment, and I thank you. :)
Delete